Globe-Skipping

Our first morning to wake up on the island of Koh Phi Phi was pleasant as ever! We wandered over to the P. P. Family Restaurant and woke up with a refreshing iced coffee and the sound of the waves crashing on the beach. It was a beautiful day!

The placement of our hotel was peaceful because it was located on a stretch of beach that was pretty secluded from the main town area. We didn’t have to fight through crowds or listen to drunken college students stumbling home from the bars. The negative was that there was not much to do besides lay out and swim.

We decided that we wanted to head into town and explore today. Our only options were to hire a long tail boat for a hefty fee or to trek into the unknown, down the beach and through the jungle, until we found town. If you know us, you know that we opted for the latter. Saving money and a free adventure, what more could you want?! Since the tide wasn’t at its peak we opted for the beach route. It took us about 25 minutes of slipping on algae covered rocks and dodging carnivals of crabs before we actually arrived in town panting like dogs.

We shopped around a while and grabbed some souvenirs before we headed into the Beach Bar Restaurant for lunch and refreshments. After I was sufficiently stuffed full of balsamic tuna salad, we started walking again.

We came to a place which, at first glance, looked like a gold fish store with large tanks full of tiny fish swimming around. Then I noticed a man sitting next to the tank, dangling his feet inside. This, obviously, stopped me in my tracks and I looked at the sign which read, “Doctor Fish Clean and Massage”.

The woman working saw my eyes popping out at the sight of these little fish feasting on this mans calluses and gave me a thorough explanation. She told me that these little fish were like comb fishes, so they only consume dead areas of the skin, leaving you with a fresh, healthy pedicure. I had to try it!

She dunked my feet into a tub of water and washed all the sand off before the fish feeding began. I carefully submerged my feet in the tank and was overcome with the weirdest feeling! I could feel their little mouths sucking at my skin and it tickled like nothing I've ever felt before!

I couldn’t stop giggling as passers by eyed me like some science experiment. After a while I got used to it and I was absorbed in watching the guppies gobble at my cuticles.

As Max watched me calm down, he decided that he was up for it as well.

He climbed in too and the munched on our bunion buffet like it was the last supper.

Fifteen minutes later our pedicure was over and our feet were silky smooth and good as new!

As darkness fell we did some bar hopping and eventually ended up following the tsunami evacuation route to a bar called “Stones Bar”. They had great music, fire spinners, and floor seating on the sand.

We enjoyed a few drinks and a couple rounds of Gin Rummy and set off to play some pool at an Irish Pub we’d spotted earlier. They had a great special where, if you bought a drink you could have as much free chicken kabobs as your heart desired. They had a grill set up outside the pub and we ordered a plate to take up to the pool tables.

We shot a few games, made some friends, and wolfed down our free kabobs. Our tummies were full, our heads were buzzed, and our feet were clean, it was time to go home.

It was bordering on morning time and we contemplated whether we should take a boat back (whose prices were even more inflated since it was night time) or if we should be soldiers and trudge through the jungle. Jungle it is!

Armed with headlamps and flip-flops we navigated our way through the thicket. We could not return the same way we’d come because the tide was so high it had engulfed our previous pathway. We pushed back the trees, stammering over debris, listening to the crickets chirp, until be finally reached our abode.

We woke up at the crack of dawn today to embark on a long day of travel. Our destination was the island of Koh Phi Phi and we had an array of transportation methods to get us there. First we took a from Koh Phangan to Surat Thani where we boarded a bus to chauffeur us to Kerabi and finally we floated on a ferry to the island of Koh Phi Phi.

We arrived at the Phi Phi boat docks in the late afternoon where a surplus of wooden long tail boats waited to take us to our hotel. We tried to haggle with the overabundance of boat drivers but they were all stuck on the same price. I quickly learned that bargaining was not in their vocabulary.

We tossed our bags on board and hoisted ourselves up a rickety metal ladder into the boat. It was a short 5 minute boat ride along the coast to a stretch of beach called Long Beach.

We unloaded our stuff and checked in to our next temporary home; Blue Sky Resort.

We got a great deal on a little beach bungalow, a 50% discount, because we agreed to allow them to shut off our air-conditioning from noon to 5pm each day. The things you’ll do to save a buck.

This is one of the first hotels that we’ve stayed in that did not have a restaurant attached to it, so we decided to roam the boardwalk to see what was out there. Luckily right next door to us was a big resort which had internet, wifi, a restaurant and spa; perfect. We could save money and stay in our budget bungalow and head next door to the big fancy resort for all the amenities! What moochers we are!

We sat down at P.P. Family Restaurant and enjoyed a gorgeous view of the ocean, only a few feet away. We ordered some traditional Thai cuisine and indulged in a delectable dragon fruit smoothie!

We walked up and down the Long Beach strip getting price quotes on boat trips, fishing, and scuba diving, which were all pretty expensive. We watched a nice sunset at the Buddha Bar, the only bar within walking distance of our hotel.

As we were racking our first game of pool we met Lupe. A 20 something nurse from Los Angeles. None of her friends could afford to go with her but that didn’t stop her from venturing out into the world by herself.

We grabbed a drink talked for a while and were surprised how much we had in common. As the night fell we lounged on the beach outside of the Buddha Bar, chatting with our new friend and watched fire-spinners entertain us with their flame dances before calling it a night.

Today was a lackluster day I spent lazing around the hotel. It was overcast all morning so we decided to hang around and explore the game wall. For the past two and a half months, we have worn ourselves out with Gin Rummy, a game I’ve mastered over the years of battling my grandpa for victory. We’ve been through 3 decks of cards and they have been a lifesaver in times of mind-numbing monotony.

Now we had a wall of games in front of us and could finally give the cards a rest. We ordered some banana-coconut milkshakes and decided to throw some bones. Dominos entertained us for a while, but when the clouds were still not letting up, we turned our sights to Monopoly. I unpacked the board and noticed that the typical ‘Boardwalk’ and ‘Park Place’ were missing and instead I was staring at ‘Piccadilly’ and ‘Oxford Street’; it was the British version.

It had been eons since the last time I’d past ‘Go’ and I even had to refer to the rule book before I shelled out the cash. Never in my life have I finished a game of Monopoly, eventually my attention span will deplete and I will surrender before I die of boredom. I don’t know how we did it but, after two more smoothies and a lot of real-estate developments, we finally finished the game. I lost.

By now the sun was gleaming off the water and the clouds had depleted, so I hopped in for a quick swim before lunch. I soaked up the sun and air dried on my way back to the lounge where I enjoyed a delicious peanut massaman and spicy prawn crackers.

One thing that was a must-do for our island itinerary was to see a traditional Muay Tai fight. Muay Tai is possibly the most brutal form of martial arts practiced today. It is known as the “Art of Eight Limbs” because it uses 8 points of contact mixing the use of punches, kicks, elbows, and knee strikes.

The pool bar we’d been in the night before had a large poster advertising a Muay Tai match for tonight and our eyes lit up. We’d made friends with the owner of Hotel Harmony, a nice English man in his 40’s, who told us he could get us tickets. It turned out that he was good friends with the announcer and ended up scoring us V.I.P seats directly behind the judges!

We got to Haad Rin Boxing Stadium and met up with the announcer who showed us to our seats. Just as promised, we were right behind the judges in the best seats in the house.

With a few minutes before the bell rang we headed to the snack bar for some goodies. This snack bar was unlike the typical hotdog, popcorn, soda snack bars of the U.S. This concession stand had homemade egg rolls, coconut battered chicken, shrimp kabobs, and more. We grabbed some beer and a few egg rolls to enjoy before the match. They were delicious! They were smothered in a sweet chili dipping sauce and each bite was messier than the last. I am a firm believer that, the messier the food, the more delicious, and in this case, it was definitely true!

I heard the ding. I smelled the sweat. It was time for the true meaning of ‘Rumble in the Jungle’. The lights danced as the announcer introduced the first fighters. They marched out from the back as the crowd cheered in anticipation. They were rough, they were tough, they were… eleven? Yes, apparently they were starting the match with some pre-teen entertainment before the big boys came out.

They entered the ring and began their pre-fight ritual, a must for any traditional Muay Tai fighter. Wearing only his shorts and a traditional headband known as a Mongkon, he starts in the center of the ring to bow to each of the four sides of the ring, paying his respects to the audience, before returning to his corner.

Then the fighter places his hand atop the ring rope and walks counter-clockwise around the ring, symbolically closing off the ring for him and his opponent.

When the ritual was all over, the battle began. These kids were vicious! They were punching and kicking like their life depended on it. I know some people whose parents didn’t let them play pop-Warner football because it was too dangerous and here are these toothpick ten-year-olds beating the crap out of each other while everyone cheers them on. The icing on the cake was the announcers commentary, this one really jumped out at me, he said, “Despite their age, they intend to hurt each other and that’s what really counts!”.

I guess the Thaïs have replaced coddling their children with all out violence. Somehow I don’t think this would fly in America.

The 2nd fight was, what seemed at first, like an unfair pairing between a 14 year old and a 17 year old. I was proven wrong when the 14 year old dominated with Hulk-like strength to put the 17 year old to shame. Imagine going back to high school the next day after being whooped on by a 14 year old kid. Tough break.

They brought out the men in fight number three where two Thai’s went head to head only to have the man in blue knocked out in round 2. Short but sweet.. knockouts are always entertaining.

The fourth fight got international, pairing New Zealand in red vs. the Czech Republic in blue. I had my money on the Czech beast who came out sporting a Che Guevara tattoo on his calf, “Fighter” tattooed across his stomach and a Mike Tysonesque tattoo on his face. You don’t mess with a guy with a tattoo on his face. Only psychos sport face tattoos, no good can come of it.

This guy looked like he would rip off your head and eat it for breakfast, saving your limbs for a mid-afternoon snack. He was easily 40 lbs. heavier than the New Zealander who I pitied from the start. Had I been carrying cash on me, I would have thrown down a pretty penny on blue. Thank God I didn’t though, because his Mike Tyson wannabe didn’t come through as expected. Instead of biting the guys ear off to spare himself of defeat, he decided that a knock out was more graceful and went down after only 40 seconds. It was brilliant.

The 5th fight was a snore fest, a perfect excuse for more egg rolls.

As the 6th fight began, the scent of Tiger Balm was breezing through the stands making my eyes water.

A Frenchmen and a Thai entered the ring ready to brutalize each other for victory. Immediately I bet on the Thai. It just seems to me that maybe history has shown us that the French are not the best fighters. This guy looked like he had no reason to be in the ring. All he wanted was some Cabernet and Brie. The fight ended leaving me feel sheepish once again. The Frenchie conquered the Thai.

Maybe brie is to the French as spinach is to Popeye. That’s the only logical explanation I could come up with.

The last fight of the night concluded with a sweet knock-out from one Thai to another; a perfect ending to a perfect night!

After a delicious breakfast and my typical caffeine kick-start, I decided to take advantage of my private beach. I threw on my new bathing suit and waded into the teal tide. I swam like a seal somersaulting myself under the warm water. I was in heaven. I enjoyed my day rotating between tanning and swimming until my golden brown skin was pruning.

We decided that we would venture out of our secluded beach and roll into town to check out what else Koh Phangan had to offer. We hailed an unbelievably expensive taxi to take us to Haad Rin.

We were greeted by a huge sign warning us of their intolerance of drugs, drunkards, and all other shenanigans. What a welcome.

We walked around town for a while, scoping out surf shop sales and tattoo parlors, when we came to a beauty salon. They were advertising a special for Thai massage; 70 minutes for 250 baht (less that $10). Keeping up with my exotic massage critiques, I had to give it a shot. I had heard several reviews on the Thai technique from people staying at our hotel and 3 out of 4 of them described it as agonizing pain. I’m no Swedish massage sissy, I welcome the pain, and normally, my biggest complaint is that the therapist was too gentle. I was looking forward to this Thai “torture”.

We walked to the back of the salon and through a sliding glass door to a room with two soft mats laying adjacent to each other on the floor. We were told to keep our clothes on but remove our shoes.

The massage was great and not painful at all (for my standards). Unlike American massages, Thai massages is done over loose clothing using no oils or lotions. Instead of fluid movements or kneading the skin, a Thai massage involves a lot of trigger point pressure and intense stretching.

She stretched me into all sorts of contorted shapes and applied deep pressure while I was pretzled. It was just what I was hoping for.

We walked out feeling loose and lethargic and decided to find a bar to inject some pep into our slinky strides. The first bar we saw with a pool table was called “Up To You Bar” and since it was up to me, I decided to give it a go.

I ordered a Mai Tai and racked the balls while I waited. When my drink finally arrived half way through our 2nd game, I was a little taken aback by the color. It was green.

Mai Tai’s are usually a pink shade and this was way off. I slurped a small sip and was pleasantly surprised; it was not bad. After a few losses I concluded that the billiard gods were just not on my side so I threw in the towel.

It was past dinner time and we still hadn’t eaten so we headed down to the boardwalk in search of substance. We could hear the beach crowd before we even set foot on the sand. Speakers were bumpin’, drinks were flowin’, and the party was just getting started.

We walked from bar to bar waiting to stop until we approved the music selection.

We walked past a long row of wooden booths all advertising buckets of alcohol using trashy slogans and eye-catching profanity. I quickly learned that this is how you consume alcohol when you are on a Thai island, out of a bucket.

We finally came to a bar that wasn’t blasting House music and walked inside. They had a special on whiskey buckets and hookahs and they were still serving food, perfect. In a small pail that brings back memories of sand castle cities on San Diego Bay, sat a small bottle of whiskey and a can of Coke. They filled our bucket with the entire bottle of liquor, coke, ice, and a plethora of straws. We picked out some Strawberry sheesha and ordered a hookah to our table.

We sat a few feet away from the tumbling tide and watched fire spinners dazzle us with acrobatic flames.

We ordered some spicy glass noodles and smoked sheesha while we waited. The food hit the spot and the bucket of whiskey washed it down with perfection!

I skipped through the rave and down the beach with my bucket in tow feeling like a delinquent toddler until we reached the hotel and it was time for siesta.

After a delicious pancake breakfast we packed up our bags and hailed a cab to take us to the boat docks. It was time to say “good bye” to beautiful Koh Tao and “hello” to the island of Koh Phangan.

We arrived at the docks ready for an easy boat ride and were shocked to see the station overrun with uncoordinated passengers with oversized luggage.

It was a mad house. With no idea where to go or which of the three long lines I needed to be in, I weaved my way to the front to ask. When I asked which line was for Koh Phagnan, the woman working besides the ticket counter gave me my boarding passes and bag stamps, I had, unknowingly, gotten away with cutting in front of the 50 people sweating behind me to do that very same thing. ‘Oops’ and ‘Score’ at the same time.

We waited in the sardine can for about 20 minutes before we baby-stepped our way on board. It was an easy 90 minute ride and I entertained myself with “America’s Funniest Home Video’s” which was playing on a TV screen inside the boat.

We had a hotel in mind but had not made hotel arrangements yet because we had been tipped off that it would be cheaper to wait until we’d arrived. As we cruised down the narrow island roads to a barren area whose hotels were few and far between, we began doubting our decision.

Our driver dropped us off at the top of a hill where we could see no hotel in sight. “Where is Hotel Harmony”, I asked, scared to find out the real answer. He pointed down the hill to a dirt path, which seemed to have no ending. We started to walk. We walked for about five minutes down and around this curvy path as I crossed my fingers and hoped for success. I didn’t want to have to walk back up this mess.

We finally approached the hotel whose rooms were sectioned off in individual duplexes and looked more like little cottages than a hotel. We were greeted by a friendly man who ensured us that there were rooms available and offered to let us have our pick.

We ended up in a discrete duplex bungalow that looked right out into the ocean. 10 feet were all that stood between our front door and the rushing tide. It was wonderful. We sat our bags down and decided to roam around the residence and grab some refreshments.

We strolled along a small pathway sprouting tropical trees on each side, and headed into the lounge area.

The patio area was sheltered under green vines twisting in and out of bamboo sticks to make a relaxing roof top with the ocean only a stones throw away.

We followed the sound of Bob Marley inside the lounge area where there was an abundance of floor seating, tables and chairs, a big screen TV, an internet area and a wall full of books and games. I scoped out the menu and ordered a delicious Pina Colada and cheersed to another beautiful island.